Football mad, plus hot World Cup

It's 3 pm and we should be on the train heading back home. Instead we're in a smoky pub (come on English, get with a smoking ban) in Ilkley. We even paid an extra £20 for the privilege. Now what in the world would make a Yorkshireman spend more money than necessary? Two words: Leeds United.
Today's Leeds's biggest game of the season, determining whether or not they will be promoted back into the Premiership. Think of football like American baseball: there's a major league, Triple A, Double A, etc. Now imagine if teams could be promoted or demoted, depending how well they did in the season. Okay, two years ago, Leeds was in the major league. But they had a shite season and were demoted to Triple A. Now they are in a play-off game to see if they can go back up to the major leagues - the Premiership. We were originally supposed to head back to Edinburgh at the same time as kick-off. I didn't book the tickets!
While I had a kip on the train, Boy overheard this random blonde talking to her friend about the World Cup. As we've been repeatedly denied tickets when we applied, this was intriguing. Apparently this bird's friend is dating a member of the England team - we think Stuart Downing. And considering there's only one Stuart on the team, I don't think we're far off.
According to Stuart Downing's bird's friend, the players are travelling by private jet, courtesy of the FA - no surprise there. But the wives and girlfriends of the players were only going to be given coach travel. David (as in Beckham) was going to have a word to get the women a jet. Yeh, because a bus is completely unacceptable to the likes of Nancy Dell'Olio and Victoria. And speaking of Posh, she's having her World Cup party today. Honey, we've got nearly three weeks to go, aren't you being a bit premature? Or maybe she's a Leeds fan and she's watching the big match too. C'mon lads, Victoria says.
Update: Leeds are down 1-0 and it's nearly half-time. They really haven't been in the game and things aren't looking good.