Bollocks, twice over

So, I lost my mobile. My lovely picture-taking, music-playing, email-sending 6-month-old phone. And I feel like shit. See, that's what they do, that's what they do: they suck you in. Six months ago, I was convinced I didn't need the damn thing. Today, I'm legless without it. Spend the whole day in the house, save the venture out to look for it again. Damn, damn, damn. And it's not like it's cheap. But that's not all. I uploaded 300+ songs on to the damn thing -- one by one. And had my ringtones the way I wanted them. And my profile pictures. And voice dialling. And a £50 2-gig memory card in the thing. No, they suck you in until you can't exist without them.

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Yesterday I went to a 4th of July barbecue hosted by my one American pal, Pet. She's really funny cos she really keeps her Americanness. It's not like I don't want to... well, actually, I don't want to. There are some unsavoury things about the US that makes me want to say that I'm Canadian, eh? And anyway, 4th of July is my least like strictly American holiday. I have no use for fireworks.

Anyway, it was an embrace of all things American, which was kitsch and comforting at the same time. Doritoes and PB and J sandwiches served, unfortunately with strawberry jam, not grape jelly. Did I tell you it doesn't exist here? Nope, they've never heard of the stuff. S'mores -- the marshmallows are all coloured here, no pure white ones. But they left some things out. No potato salad or baked beans! Madness!

After our dinner and pudding, Pet did what we Americans, even without intention, always do: the speech. She called for us to all sing the National Anthem. Now, if I were back in the States, I would eschew anything so naff, but as I am here, it seemed a bit appropriate. We then went into the Pledge of Allegiance. As a teacher, I know all these songs, so I tried to bring everyone in on my favourite patriotic song, Over There. Unfortunately, no-one knew it (it's a great song).

The other unfortunate thing was this very annoying twat at the party. So this guy, while we were in our songs and pledge, started singing "God Save the Queen," the English national anthem. What a nob. Barbecue was split down the middle, half Yanks, half Brits. Most of the time, I feel for Brits who assemble with Americans, for the latter always spend their time moaning about how expensive it is to live here and how "they say things funny." It's right annoying and I try to limit myself from doing it. But this was an Independence Day celebration and all Brits there knew it, so I had no sympathy for them inundated with this American patriotism overkill. The dude actually reminded me of my nephew Zebedee -- not a compliment as Z's nine.