Tuesday, August 30, 2011

My beef with FB friends

Tonight, as I was leaving volleyball training, I pass a guy who I'm friends with on the FB.

"Hello," says he.

"Hi," reply I, walking passed him.

"Oh, did you buy those shoes?" inquires him, nonchalantly.

I stop in my tracks to consider the meaning of this. Then I remember my message I'd put on the Book of Faces: Left work intending to stop at Russell & Bromley to buy that pair of brown loafers I had been coveting before going to volleyball training. But I definitely need another day to mentally prepare myself to pay THAT much for some shoes.

This is not the first time this has happened to me, people commenting to me in person about something I've written on the Facebook but not leaving a comment to the post. I recently spoke to someone who claimed to love reading my "crazy posts" but was a person least likely to write a comment back. And I find this utterly bizarre. It's like some odd voyeuristic behaviour that, if occurring outside social media, would have people arrested. It makes me feel that instead of bringing people together, the FB and other social media allows us to creepily peep on each other.

Actually, I'm being unduly harsh cos that peeping Tom behaviour doesn't really bother me so much. I will freely admit to taking in the events of other people's lives and not always giving feedback. But mostly I do. Especially if you're interesting. If you're interesting, I will defo comment. I've got a pal, DK, who talks crazy shit on the FB most of the time and he kills me and everyone he knows. He regularly has a double-digit number of comments to his postings (though, that being said, around half are his replies to what people say to him).

Though I believe in feeding back, it's sometimes clear that my two cents have absolutely no value. I'm thinking of one friend in particular, who posted a question asking who his friends believed to be the greatest DJ. I answered with a question back that he never bothered to answer. Bad form.

And that's my real beef: people not using the information that others share to really (i.e., instantaneously) engage with each other. I see this information sharing — my information sharing in my FB posts and on this darling little blog — as a service. And your feedback is currency, wages for my work. And as I see it, some of you are seriously short changing me. Y'all better pay me my money!

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Blogger Yukiko said...

I have been noodling around this same topic! I even have a pic I took to use in my blog! YOU BEAT ME TO IT! AAAAAARGH! Now when I finally get around to posting my thoughts it will sound redundant to you, like I'm copying you. Danget. Now I have to think of another spin on it.

Tuesday, 30 August 2011 at 23:19:00 BST  
Blogger Autumn said...

I can read MINDS! Muhahahahahahaha!

Tuesday, 30 August 2011 at 23:52:00 BST  
Anonymous Zandra said...

I a fully guilty of this. I suppose because we see things differently. I don't feel like blog posts or FB status update are a conversation. Conversations are private and one-on-one. Blogs and posts, to me, are more like a town cryer, "One o'clock and alls well!"
"My cat can't hunt chipmucks, so he hunts my hands so I will pet him!
And if I respond it better be because I have something important to say.
"Let him outside so he can be a cat!" just seems like needless yelling acroos the internets to me.
AND, you talk a lot. You can't expect comments are every post.

Wednesday, 31 August 2011 at 00:59:00 BST  
Blogger Autumn said...

Yes, yes, I am verbose and prolix - this is an established characteristic of I. However, some commentary is better than nothing. Anyway, FB is like a party innit? Someone's chatting away and a bunch of people crowd round to hear the story. Wot, does no one laugh? Does no one then go "That reminds me of this one time..."? Not everyone speaks, but will sometimes. My experience is that tonnes of people are listening in to EVERYTHING, enjoying stuff, but never laughing... if you get my drift.

Plus, I've not written that much recently!

Wednesday, 31 August 2011 at 09:26:00 BST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

dood, you are so right. but here's the ting. when you have people whom you haven't seen for ages either b/c you live on different planets or b/c life hath forced you apart, there's always this weirdness about acting too familiar. at least for me. so, like for instance, when i happened to se that my cousin's husband's sister (yes, that sounds ridiculous) had just gotten an engagement ring from her forever bf, i immediately commented shrieky congrats b/c i was so happy for her. but then i deleted myself before entering b/c i realized that while we bonded during the wedding we were both in a few years ago, she would probably rather get some Feedback from her good friends first. if you know what i mean. i thought maybe i'd wait a bit and come back to say something. but then i forgot. and then there's this friend i've known for a long time (although not a hang out alone friend) but no longer see--and am insecure about whether she likes me as much as i like her, and she always writes the wittiest of posts that i tewtelly lurve. i ALWAYS want to reply. but when i commented on like 3 in a row i started to feel like maybe i'd look like a weird stalker fan or something. so i started to not comment when i wanted to. i know, that sounds so dysfunctional. which is why you're absolutely right about all this and why i often disappear from the fb for a long time...there's something just weird about it. weeerd. yes. you are so right. oh yeah, i admit i have been tempted to comment on some fb knowledge in person but refrained thinking it seemed weerd. i think the bottom line is that it can easily weerdifies not-close relationships. but then we still need it if we want to stay in touch w/ peeps who we love but would not be in touch with otherwise like our classmates of olde. you know?

and zandra is so right about chipmunks when it comes to certain peeps statuses. they're reaching for attention/affirmation. they want an 'awwwwwww! your chipmunk is the bomb!' or 'omg i want to pet your chipmunk!' or when they say 'omg my day has been so awful i can't even talk abt it' they want peeps to say 'awwww! poor thing! so sorry! u r awesome and i <3 you so screw those mean ppl who made ur day lame!' or something. and this is not bad. but i question the long-term effect on our relationships and view of ourselves. although the fact we're having this conversation probably has something to do with our age. if we were in the next generation i don't think any of this would be in the least bothersome. tru?

Wednesday, 31 August 2011 at 09:34:00 BST  
Blogger Autumn said...

Can I first say how much I love this discourse and what you bring to it, my lovely ATW? And everyone, for that matter.

I defo see your point about how it might appear somewhat stalkerish to acquaintances by commenting freely and enthusiastically about life events. Like, if it is an FB friend/acquaintance's birthday, they merely get a "Happy birthday". If I know them and love them, they get a more exuberant response. But that's what I'd be like in real life.

But I am the kind of person that loves people (most of the time) interjecting their craziness into my life. It can bring you closer together, especially acquaintances. For example, DK that we went to school with (Chrissy's brother): I know him so much better from his crazy comments and my 2-centing to it than I ever did. I think he appreciates it more. If you do it and the person likes you more for it, then cooool. (I think I obtained Judd Nelson dork - remember that kid? - as a FB friend in recent months cos of some comment I made about a DK posting that he liked.)

I think the real issue is, if you feel that you can't make the comment you would really want to make to that person, then should you be FB friends with that person at all?

Wednesday, 31 August 2011 at 15:47:00 BST  

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