Sunday, August 07, 2011

My dream, or People know I am a shit person

So last night I had a dream, which I will tell you about! Boy says there's nothing less interesting than hearing other people retell their dreams. I think wots less interesting than that is new parents talking about how amazing their babies are. I mean, THEY ARE BABIES! They do fuck all.

I recognise that's just me.

Actually, that's a good segue into the dream: I was caring for the baby of a couple with which I am acquainted. In real life, I'm pretty sure this couple hates me. Well, for one, the dude defriended me on the FB some time ago. And I was only FB friends with him. I'm really not that gutted (actually, never ever was gutted) about it cos he was kinda boring. I mean, he never changed his profile pic, one of a person doing a pretty nice sporting action, which was clearly not him. That makes him dead suspect to me. And she got on my tits!

Anyway, throughout the entire weekend I cared for the baby, I called the kid "Killian" though that is not his name - it's nowhere near his real-life given name even. To be fair, Killian is a much cooler name than the kid's real name, though. I reckon the kid is four months old, but I fed him a diet exclusively of salty peanut butter crackers. You know, the ones that come in packs of six that you get out of American vending machines. I'm also pretty sure I left him alone several times, once for an pretty extended amount of time where he conked his head. I never changed his nappy. Yep, I was a pretty shit person.

Could this be why this couple hates me? Could they somehow (don't ask me how: I only come up with the theories, not explain them) look past the dreamscape and look directly into my soul and tell that I'm such a shit person that I would harm their little Killian (he will always be Killian to me now) and give him jailbound-worthy care for a weekend? Is this why I was defriended?

But at the same time, if they knew I was such a shit person, why did they let me care for the baby? Clearly, these people are bad parents.

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Anonymous Zandra said...

What the F**K!?! Your dream was messed up. But more so, your analysis of the dream is messed up. Just sayin'.

Sunday, 7 August 2011 at 15:12:00 BST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

dream was evil. not the truth about ye whatsoever, but possibly what you deep down worry these unappreciative peeps think? and the name, the name. see how thoughtful your colorful imagination was to give it a cool name and yet it was so unappreciative with your psyche? so, so wrong. and btw, i am all about yammering about dreams to one another. i completely think our western culture is missing this and the oldskool haudenosaunee (iroquois) got it right. they figured it was community responsibility to help you figure out what there was to get from the interesting ones. anywayz, i don't put it on others usually since i dream about 120% of the time i'm sleeping (i start dreaming before i physically go to sleep)...but srsly, i sometimes record the xtra-xtra ones on my lil digirecorder. i tell ya, it's both enlightening/entertaining down the road when i listen back. anyway. so yay, post away in the future!

Monday, 8 August 2011 at 13:25:00 BST  
Anonymous Dave said...

Easy - the baby is your inner psyche as perceived by this couple. You "feed" it with bad food(negativity) and ignore it(fail to make the necessary effort) and..... oh no, wait, sorry I just remembered this is all bullshit. Dreams are just dreams man! I had loads andthough some were so vivid and epic that I wish I could watch them back, but none of them meant a damn thing. I figure it's just our minds having fun on their downtime from all the boring shit we insult them with, like work and supermarket shopping.
Anyway that was fucking hilarious so thank you. Your friend sounds like a complete tool though - defriend him in real life ASAP.

Friday, 13 April 2012 at 22:46:00 BST  
Blogger Autumn said...

Dave, you rock. Let's be friends forever.

Friday, 13 April 2012 at 23:44:00 BST  
Anonymous Dave said...

No you rock! Your blog birghtened up a terminally dire Friday night so thank you.
p.s. yes I am horribly aware that checking back here has just earned me the title of "most tragic bastard in the known universe", but ... nope ... I've got absolutely nothing. Curse my wretched Friday night!!!

Saturday, 14 April 2012 at 01:45:00 BST  

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