Two outbursts, one night -- part one

Really shit films out in the cinemas this week. We're the kind of people that don't give a toss about Pirates of the Caribbean or Superman, though we will watch a crap film if it's on telly. In fact, just spent the last three hours watching I Will Always Love You, aka The Bodyguard with Kevin "I will wank on you" Costner and Whitney "Rehab" Houston. Here's a little sum'ink-sum'ink, a bit of trivia for you: Gary Kemp, who played Whit's smarmy agent was a member of Spandeu Ballet. Just for you.

Instead, we went to see some stand up Friday night. Just a hint, for any comedians reading: if you say you're known for telling outrageous nob jokes, then tell some nob jokes. Just a thought, Julia "Unfunny" Wilson. Unfortunately, after she reads this, she will kick the shit of me and then fuck my husband, because, according to her, that was her speciality.

(Boy wants me to relate the fact that said Ms Wilson is a 17-stone former bouncer that would really kick the shit out of me and that he wouldn't be willingly sleeping with, but only doing so in fear of his life. And not with her on top. You done now? Can I continue? Thank you.)

My first outburst of the night came with the last comedian on the programme. He was called Alex Something-or-other (the website says Horne), but, to me, was better known as Mr Potato Wedges. He stood behind me in the enormously long food queue (35 minutes for me), pleasant enough, and then only order potato wedges. He really liked potato wedges. And he was the headliner for the night. Talk about a come-down, eh?

So he tells a joke. As you do when you're a comedian.

"People these days, always bringing their mobiles, their mobiles phones. Last night, a guy came in here with his mobile... home. His caravan was right across here... "

Okay, this kills in Britain. We subscribe to surrealist humour here, alright?

"It was crazy. Suddenly, all these gypsies arrive with their caravans... "

Just to let you know, especially my sister, gypsies are not considered cool over here. They are not exotic or interesting and people certain don't want to have gypsy friends. They are discriminated against. Why? Because they are gypsies, that's why. They often live in caravans (trailers) and can move from place to place frequently -- this is a part of their culture, their race. And as a result of that, I yell out...

"That's racist!"

Now, I had been yelling things out all night. One, because like lots of Black Americans -- is this racist? I actually think so, so I'll modify it -- people, I like to think that entertainment can be interactive. But mostly because the laughter drowned out any of my commentary. But Alex Potato Wedges stops.

"Is that-- is that really racist?"

He looks in my direction, but I don't think he actually spies who says it. He doesn't have a look as if to say, "Could that be the 'Do you have the time'-chick-in-the-enormously-long-food-queue heckling me?"

Generally, I get very embarrassed about things like this. You might not believe me, but it's true. I don't like to be called out on things. And I was being called out. But with some conviction that I didn't even know I possessed, I said,

"Yeh, that's racist."

The amazing thing was that 1) he gave an apology, as well as comedians can, and 2) the audience supported me. I took it to be support that no-one yelled out, "Shut the fuck up!" and that I didn't get lynched at the end.

Outburst relating to be continued...