Wednesday, November 22, 2006

And that's all I'm going to say

I'm embarrassed that I'm even writing about this, but it has to be said. I'll say it once, saying my peace, then it will all be out.

Tom and Katie...

Well, since I only have one shot, I'd better be organised about it.

My opinion on the photos
So there's been a big stink over here about the official wedding photo, as the third Mrs Cruise is two inches taller than her new husband. Katie Cruise is now destined to spend the next 2-5 years (depending on the oddsmaker) with bad posture, as you will notice here. Or with incredibly developed quad muscles from walking around in a continual half-squat. Or in the background in all the pictures. Susan Sarandon very helpfully revealed the secret of that photo over here on UK telly: "They probably dug a ditch for her to stand in." And that says it all.

My opinion on the vows
It's been reported that in the ceremony, it was explained to the megastar Tom Cruise that little ol' Katie might need, "clothes, food, tender happiness and frills, a pan, a comb and perhaps a cat." Yes, these words are slightly odd, but if you think they are weird, then you haven't been to a wedding recently. People are doing all kinds of crazy shit,. like having everyone in the congregation take a stone, then in the ceremony sending all their wishes and hopes for the couple to them via the stones. Or having the maid of honour encircle the couple flower petals. I mean, how pretentious is that.

The thing that really rankles me about the vows is how limiting they are. A pan? A cat? For fuck sake, what if she can't cook? And what if she's a dog person? There she is, stuck with a Calphalon wok and damn cat. Anyway, the words are very sexist. Man get frills for girl. Girl, in silly, typical girl stupor, wraps them around cat. Why don't they just say that she has to obey him, like all other sexist -- er, traditional -- vows? I'm obviously under the mistaken impression that, as Scientology is a modern religion, it might have thrown off the sexist shackles (among other shackles) of all the other, older religions.

Anyway, marriage is overrated. Ask Boy's grandma, who thinks everyone should just live together.


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