My wonky body, according to my team-mates

My bum has attracted lots of attention of the years. My first memories about the trouble it was was my mum always going on to me about how my nightgown was hiked up on it and I should pull it down. I remember some guy at school drawing a sideways profile of me with small tits and a huge bum. The kids at school, even here, get my attention by patting me on the bum. In the end, I have felt ambivalence about the thing, having to just learn to get on with it.

So I'm pretty surprised the additional insight I gain into my bum. I've been told that the remarkable thing about my bum is that it goes up. Didn't understand what that meant until I saw the Japanese girl's bum in Babel. A shame.

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I have funny knees. They look like bruises on them, even when they don't have them -- or so I was told. So funny are my knees that the girl on my volleyball team studying medicine referred to her dermatology textbook to see if there was some sort of name for my wonky knees.