Saturday, September 08, 2007

A clearing

More and more I get the feeling that no-one gives a toss and that I'm alone, save my hudsbands and my duggies. I know I don't blog that often and that guilt trips get me nowhere, but why the fuck does no-one respond? I mean, would you do that in a fucking conversation.

My pal Shish has dumped me. Like properly "It's not you, it's me" breaking up. She called me into her room for the talk. She has a lot on this session -- can't sit in the staff room and talk. But you can with her? I feel 15 years old again, except when I was 15, I was getting no play, so let's say I feel 25 again. But then I was getting play. What about 22? I don't know, I relied a lot on her. Life here can be crazy for a wild American girl having to keep it under wraps and she was a good friend to have. But maybe she didn't think I was.

It makes me think more and more that I'm a shit friend. LIke I got a letter in the post from my friend May. She's written me twice and I've not yet written once! So I sat down as soon as I finished reading her letter and typed up a letter. Still haven't printed that shit!

I moan at you for being shit friends, but what the fuck about me? How am I keeping in your life? Not very well. So forgive me friends -- after all, I've just dumped.

On a more positive note, I've started my first class towards my masters. Negative point: a week has past and I haven't done any reading. I was very busy this week with Boy out of toon at a conference and having to do all the walking for the dogs. When I arrived from work on Wednesday, Sarah and Samantha had broken out of the living room, the latter having shat and puked all about the house. Cleaning up the mess answered a question for me: No, I do not want kids! Work has been hectic. I took Bob's boyfriend to see Rush Hour 3. I should tell you about him another time -- an absolutely fascinating cat.

And for fhese reasons, I think I might be packing in this blog for a while. I just don't have the capacity for short entries -- I've tried, I really have. I'm just too... conscientious. But I won't give up blogging, just this blogging format. Twittering will still go on, as will the moblog. I think I might start posting video blogs of me on the moblog. A little easier than typing these tomes of which I have a strong propensity.


Blogger Zandra Towns said...

I'm sorry you friend dumped you. She's not really a friend if she can do that. I know you are upset because of all the typos in the blog. You should not let it make you feel insecure. Her refusal to be your friend is a reflection on her incapacity to be a friend and not your worth as a friend.

Autumn, don't feel you have to keep yourself under wraps for these snotty, carrots-up-the-butt Brits(Matthew excluded). Be your wild wonderful self, otherwise you will be unhappy. Like you are now.

I love you. I know other people love you. Just cuse we don't IM, Skype, Twitter or blog you 3 or 4 times a week doesn't mean we don't love and think of you. I'm going to call you now to tell you all of this I just wanted to write it don't to to show you I care.
love you.

Sunday, 9 September 2007 at 20:28:00 BST  
Anonymous hadashi said...

please, please don't leave us. i lost my blogging mojo a few months ago and wanted to stuff it all but didn't.
and now, my latest posts won't go up due to a template upgrade, but what the hell. yeah, concise posts don't do it for me and i'm too time-crunched to write more than a few times a month, if that. besides, i gotta have something to say.
please don't chuck the blogging mojo. i, for one, heart you.

p.s. you go, Zandra. way to wave the sister encouragement banner with fervour!

Sunday, 9 September 2007 at 23:34:00 BST  

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