Sick people's chat

I've been home sick for the past two and a half days. Being sick always makes me feel bad for myself, but on top of it, Thanksgiving might be compromised by this sickness spell. I'm working to be at 100% by Monday for work and to be at least 85% for Thanksgiving.

Anyway, as I lay miserably on the sofa, what should I spy with my little eye? Only my favourite guilty pleasure film, The Thomas Crown Affair! I can't explain why I love this film so much, but every time it's on, I must watch it. What a perfect treat for a sickie like me.

But what is on is the original TCA from the 1970s starring Steve McQueen and Faye Dunaway. This is disappointing as my favourite is the remake featuring Pierce Brosnan and Rene Russo. I've never really given original a chance as I totally am down with the hunkiness exhibited by PBrosnan in the film and he is the only Thomas Crown to me. However, as I am ill, I will give the McQueen/Dunaway version a go.

And actually, it's not half bad, though I am only watching half of it as I'm flipping between it and the tennis. Steve McQueen is a total hottie and Faye Dunaway is my new favourite bad ass girl (only after Katharine Hepburn in the African Queen). And when we get to the scene where she succumbs to his charms and he gets in her pants, I'm totally with it. SMcQ is so hot in his aloofness in this film I can't reckon why she didn't give in earlier - I would! That's it: there's a new Thomas Crown in town.

But - oh no, what is this? Can my eyes be deceiving me? Is my new hottie, Steve McQueen, a... bad kisser?? He looks like he is gnawing Faye's face off! He's doing as a FB friend says, "Onm nom nom." Is that how people got down in the 70s? I'm so sad and shocked at Stevie's snogging technique that I feel that it is only right to rescind my prior enthusiasm and go back to feeling ill.

All-new Featured Word!

The very last Featured Word I had included in the blog was burl. No-one managed to tell me that it meant to spin around or to go round in circles, like My heid's been burlin' with all the choices." It can also be said as burlie, as in "Ok, it's a dead-end here, so just do a burlie and then we can drive out of here." Again, might I mention the slackness of you (all five of you) all for not working it out.

Anyway, I heard the new Featured Word just this aweekend: piece. Now Americans, and depending on which subculture of the US you come from, we have a couple of different denotations for this word piece apart from the standard one (a little bit). For example, I would say, (yes, it's a hint)

"When things kick off, some fool will definitely pull out his piece."
(definition no. 1)

OR

"He was all up in the piece." (definition no. 2).

None of these American example can be applied to the British usage of piece, as in "He made himself a piece." Another hint!

So this Featured Word is wholly interactive. Americans, can you figure out the British definition of piece, while can you work out one of the US meaning, my Scottish, English, Irish and Welshees?

I *am* a foreigner, you know

Yesterday, Boy and I had a row. And I can't exactly figure out why. I certainly wasn't trying to wind him up. You see, it all started with the football...

I reckon he was a bit irritated by the Man U result. I was too, as I decided to throw my support behind the MUFC, as they were playing Chelsea, a team I hate even more than Manchester United. Well, they lost (stupid wanks - I'll never desert you again Arsenal). Anyway, on our way home, we were listening to the football commentary on the radio.

A little background knowledge: my knowledge of funny British rules of phonics has grow. For example, in place names, you drop the w with names ending with wich or wick. So Berwick is pronounced Berick.

So there's a place in east England called Norwich. So, according to the rules, it's pronounced Norich - easy enough. But the football commentator was discussing another football club that came from Northwich. First it was called Northwich (thereby not following the dropping the w rule), then Norich (dropping the w but also the th).

Upon discussion with Boy, another rule that I hadn't learned is that the th in North could be dropped; it happens in the word nor'easter. Fair enough, but if the th and the w in Northwich could be dropped, then wouldn't it just be said as Norich, just like the other place, Norwich?

So I asked Boy to explain this: how do they distinguish between the two places?

"Well, the names are different." He went on to say them, but they sounded exactly the same to me. I think he felt I was winding him up on the 13th request for him to explain it again, but I honestly wasn't. Perhaps there was a difference in pronunciation, but my little foreign ears, I ain't hear nuttin'.

Synopsis of episode "#blamediddy"

Today's blog will be written in the style of a TV synopsis, as found in such publications as TV Times or TV Guide

Starring Autumn, Boy, Mil, Fillee, Sarah-Dogg and Samantha-Dog

Autumn learns an important lesson about hash tagging after stumbling upon a thread in Twitter called #blamediddy...

This episode sees Autumn realising that, though she has not eaten anything in the last 24 hours, she does not have swine flu and really does have to go to work. Later, she realises that the ills of the world came from one source: the rapper Diddy. She continues to play destressor for Boy during Mil and Fillee's last night of their visit. However, Boy and Mil part with a kiss after a nice meal together, with everyone realising that they should blame Diddy.

Also, Sarah-Dogg and Samantha-Dog go on the exact same walk twice in the same evening. Too bad bitches - blame Diddy!

****

I have been thoroughly enjoying the #blamediddy phenomena that hit the Twitter on Wednesday, 4 November. Basically, it is Diddy's birthday, but instead of wishing him happy birthday, the Twitter community has been naming and shaming him on all the things can be blamed on him. I categorise these tweets in five groups:

1) Legitimate, realistic Diddy blames, which include

• the break up of Danity Kane (as well as other acts, including but not limited to Faith Evans, Total, 112, B2K, Day 26, Shyne, several unsigned artists) (not that I'm crying)
• Shyne getting deported
• Auto Tune

2) Potentially legitimate, though more surreal Diddy blames, such as

• the death of the Notorious B.I.G. and/or 2Pac
  
• inflicting Craig Mack and Dylan from Making the Band on the world
  
• Mase becoming a preacher
  
• JLo singing sad songs
  
• 40-year-olds doing the "Harlem Shake" (so sad, as I still do the Harlem Shake, as I only learned it two months ago)

3) Fashion Diddy blames: brothers wearing

• shiny suits
  
• thin ties
  
• mohawks (is Diddy rockin' a mohawk these days?)
  
• sunglasses in clubs

4) Non-legitimate, surreal Diddy blames:

• global warming or world hunger
  
• broken limbs
  
• when the internet runs slow
  
• somebody's cousin not learning English

5) And my favourite: Oh Snaps. These are particularly funny to me, leading to me giggle and say, "Oh SNAP!" as I read them. They include blaming Diddy for

• the wearing of white linen trouser by men. In December.
  
• the shortage of Cambodian breast milk (great reference to the dearly departed Dave Chappelle Show)
  
• for using up Harlem's entire supply of S-Curl products from 1998-2001 (just cold to hate on folks about their hair)

You don't like this post? #blamediddy