Tuesday, February 13, 2007

The irony

Do not, my dim-witted American friends, let any British (or anyone else, for that matter) convince you that you don't have/do/get irony. Americans do. Americans are, however, incredibly inclusive and want to make sure that no-one is "out of the loop" and everyone knows that they were "just kidding". This is how I've become British: I don't give a toss if anyone knows that I'm kidding. [That, there, was an ironic statement, as I am such a goodie-goodie, I am desperate for everyone not to think I'm so self-centred that I wouldn't "give a toss"] Here are some stories for further illustration. I will probably be peppering my tales with loads of irony. But as I don't give a toss, you won't know if I'm telling the truth or not. [Irony]


I'm on myspace, in case you didn't know. It's for networking. Okay, it's for trying to hook up with underaged boys. [Irony] Alright, it's really only for the surveys. [You would think I was being ironic, but, alas, no]

I was doing a survey done previously by my sister. Here's how I answered number 43, "Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?"

No, but I've used it to knock someone out. [Irony]

My sister sends me this frantic email:

You have GOT to spill the story about knockin' bitches out with the fire extinguisher. Give! Where (sic) you in a bar brawl or fighting off inturders (sic) at home? I can't even imagine you doing that. Please tell me.

I felt just awful for making her believe that I would ever do such a thing. [Irony]


This story is a bit unusual, as the recipient of the ironic statement was not only British, but English, who, according to Boy, are the ultimate authority in irony.

At volleyball training tonight, I was assigned a position (5, if you really wanted to know) and Chick beside me was assigned 1. However, she was told she had to pass the ball to the other side of the net from position 6, then scurry over to position 1. Just to make things more difficult. [Irony] Essentially, the two of us were doing three people's work.

Chick did very well with this challenge. Unfortunately, she was caught out of position once. I said, "What? Who was supposed to be covering position 1?" [Irony] She threw her arms up in incredulous frustration [not irony, but incredibly comical to me], so I had to reveal that I too possessed the superpower of irony and I had thrown my irony lasso round her. Then I hopped off in my invisible plane to hang out with my Amazonian sisters.


Now I leave you with a tale of questionable irony. I laughed heartily when I read this, but I mostly because I saw this in the middle of writing this blog about irony. Boy is convinced it isn't irony, and I'd have to concur.

A friend of mine stupidly posted her home address on myspace when another friend requested it. I sent her a private message to say I didn't think that was such a hot idea. Now imagine yourself as me. Scary to be sure, but do. Imagine, like mine, a life entrenched in irony. [Irony] Now read her response and experience the same joy I did.

You are right, I've heard someone got killed from My Space. Ding Dong.


Blogger atw said...

snick, snick. this is the best post ever. [irony.] i always knew that you were dodging your true calling--snl is in need of fresh blood, particularly in the newsroom. they just don't [*sob!*] get irony no mo.

i actually used a fire extinguisher for the first time in my life in a dream last week. i had always wanted to know what it would be like. now i know. it didn't put out the fire but did foam up in a fizzly way as does hair mousse when you fail to shake it [which i now know that my recent haircut thinned out my impossibly thick hair [irony] to the point that i now must use mousse rather than straightening balm]. perhaps, however, this dream was like all the others and was merely trying to alert me to my o.o.c. state that i needed to do something about. oh yes, i failed to tell you about another dream i had 2 weeks ago that you were in. it was one of those Driving a Car in which the Brakes Don't Work. yes. i was driving and of course the brakes were either very very weak or actually caused the car to accelerate. [irony] [irony agayn]
in the end we turned onto a freeway ramp (that was probably really an off-ramp) and blew up the car. i wasn't really present in the dream when the car blew up but next thing i knew i was hearing that our car had blown up. isn't that sweet? [not irony]

p.s. i just heard the other day about porn directors [i.e. porn pimps] recruiting underage porn slaves from myspace. but no one yet has died, i hear. [even more relevant to your point is that the fbi considers m.sp. (pronounced 'mm-spuh'...i like it!) a terrific source of info.

Thursday, 15 February 2007 at 05:59:00 GMT  
Blogger Autumn said...

You're killing me kid.

Thursday, 15 February 2007 at 08:28:00 GMT  
Blogger Zandra Towns said...

I'm sad I don't get a story about you knocking bitches out.

Friday, 16 February 2007 at 02:32:00 GMT  

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