The chat

I'm not sure how to describe the chat, but I feel that I must. Especially if you're coming to visit, you have to understand this concept of 'the chat'. See this as a lesson in how to get by in Scotland.

'The chat' is banter, witticism, the like. If you're told by a Scotsperson that you have 'good chat', that's very good. As well, if something you said has produced a guffaw of laughter and a "That's good chat," then you're in. It's awful to be known as a person with 'nae chat' -- it's the ultimate insult. 'Nae chat' means that you're boring -- never a good thing.

So chat is a big thing. My friend Turtle was told by her guy that the reason why he hooked up with another girl was because the girl had "better chat". No joke. I was talking to a guy in a club last night. He said he had met this girl and her first words to him was "What's your chat?" Which meant, "Say something to amuse me." I mean, no pressure there. Thankfully, not only am I a bletherer, I'm inclined to say silly things, mostly to amuse myself. My chat is always good.

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Here are my predictions about the Oscars:

Best Picture: Babel
Best Actor: Peter O'Toole
Best Actress: Helen Mirren
Best Supporting Actor: Alan Arkin
Best Supporting Actress: Jennifer Hudson
Best Director: Paul Greengrass

Okay, now watch this space.